Tis The Season

Tis The Season: The Two Seasons of The World (Cuffing & Inspiration)

There comes a time in the lives of all animals where we must hibernate during the winter months. We hide away in dark caves and look for any means to stay warm amidst the chilly and cold weather. Us humans are subject to the same biological process; however it goes by the name "Cuffing Season.”  When cuffing season is over, we hop right back out into the "Inspiration Season" where the weather is warmer and the women wear less clothes. We shall observe the human in its natural habitat and examine their transitions between the two seasons of life. It's really a natural phenomenon that is exciting to watch, and partake in every once in awhile. I wish you all the best of luck as you enter cuffing season. 

Cuffing season begins roughly around October - there isn't a specific date. The beginning is more in accordance with the weather; when the leaves start to turn brown and the sky is gray, then you can expect to see less human beings out and about. However the human has usually already planted the seeds to find their “cuffer” or “cuffee,” depending on what position they play. Seed planting (Flirting, casual dating, texting on the regular, the awkwardly cute stare you give during a lecture) begins the minute school starts up; people begin weeding out partners in order to find the most efficient and productive partner. One may begin by tweeting "in bed alone about to go to bed", or posting random ambiguous TweetGrams (Fuck TweetGrams) about being lonely or wanting someone to text them because "their phone is dry". Another sign of cuffing season approaching is the sound of simping music in the air. The Drake/Weekend/Songz playlists come out and we all seem to get in our feelings. Nights may be spent listening to "Take Care" in a dark room with a chilled glass of Henny waiting on the edge of the table, with a phone lighting up the room that presents a drafted "hey stranger..." text. Every apartment complex around campus becomes a "Marvin's Room."  Courting for cuffing is subliminal and precise. Each human has different criteria for who they are looking forward to finding. Some people just want a person who wants to eat greasy fast food, fuck like there’s no tomorrow, and watch seasons of Digimon on Netflix. Doesn't that sound like a great life? Others want more in a partner, maybe some sort of emotional connection but this can be deadly for the season. Let it be known that majority of the time you may not be the only person being observed to be a cuffing mate. The Pre-Cuff season is much like being drafted for a game of middle school kickball; the last ones picked are usually the worst, so get yours early. Remember though, when you commit to a cuff, there's no re-nigging on your decision. One cuff is enough. Don't play the field or you'll be bit by snakes in the shape of spiteful partners. The reason that cuffing may be deadly is that sometimes when the season ends and it's time for the bird to fly from the nest and fuck other birds, some can't handle it. My advice would be to have a written contract of what your cuffing-ness consists, so that neither participant is confused. Because once the sun comes back out to shine...

Check out my boo Selena

The world falls into inspiration season. A time for the humans to revert back to their natural states and be free again like held farts in cramped elevators. Spring time rolls around, and so do the sun-dresses and shorts. All that skin gets shown and Homo sapien hormones begin to boil once again, becoming Homo erectus. The heat makes people go crazy. Walking around the town you begin to notice the young males observing females and vice versa. The two debate with their pack mates to determine if mating would be a viable option and, based on the consensus of the group, will either attack or run. Humans are still a part of nature regardless of how intelligent we become. The biological cycle and circadian rhythms apply to us even if we have created things like self-control and sustainability. The alcohol fountains also flow much more in the springtime. Literally it becomes a free-for-all when spring break happens– you have a better chance of surviving the wilder beasts stampede from the Lion King. The scheme lottery begins when the temperature hits above 80 degrees. Until that day comes, be cautious and protect yourself from the horrors that will come when the human kind gets horny. Finding someone not into inspiration season at all is like finding a survivor on The Walking Dead, and sometimes even these survivors are more deadly than the mindless sex-crazed zombies. They potentially serve as the ultimate cock-block on occasion or can become the reason blue-balls still exist in the 21st century. Be mindful that when the season ends; it is imperative to realize the shifting in the weather and act accordingly.

Sign you up an account to find #Him/#Her

After observing the natural human in it's habitat, I believe I can conclude that a majority of the species is susceptible to the seasonal changes; however, a small branch of these creatures will still have the freedom to act accordingly no matter what season is in effect. The cuffing season generally becomes useless after a certain age range once the inquisitive human is ready to settle down. It's a part of natural selection in the 21st century. A human may meet their mate through the various outlets that are presented to it (Ask.fm, DM-ming, Myspace), though very few of the mates can turn into a lifelong partner. There is a risk that every individual takes when condoning in cuffing and inspiration seasons, and that is the risk of feelings. Feelings are something that not even Negrodomis could predict. Matters of the heart do not follow the rules. Feelings are like Juicy J's life...a wild ride that is on it's way to an overdose and a pumped stomach. 

P.S. In case cuffing season fails.... www.pornmd.com <-- combine this with the Incognito Window on Google Chrome and you've essentially become a master...

~White Rabbit