Miley's Still Twerking (Snickers & Seeds) : Why You Need Life-Checkers and Too Much of Anything can be Bad
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| Miley...Remember Who You Are - Billy Ray Mufasa |
Let's face it. Twerking is almost officially dead. What once served as an African American ritual that was an outlet for emotional and mental stress has turned into a 13 year old white girls favorite past time for vine videos. Who do we have to thank for this but the Almighty Miley Cyrus. If you didn't know Miley freed the slaves, built the Pyramids and turned water into wine thanks to her immaculate twerking abilities. Yeah...this rant has two parts if you skipped over reading the lengthy title.
Another reality we also have to face is that Miley Cyrus got some black dick somewhere down the road and alienated herself from her fellow Disney Channel stars. I don't see Selena Gomez sexy self walking around looking like an undercooked churro and doing some river dancing. Even Lindsay Lohan with her powdered nose isn't objectifying herself on national TV. At least she knows where she belongs, in between the lines..good one right? However our girl Miley has no person, nothing, nobody to stop and tell her "Hey, stop twerking. It's not mature". The worst part is that there are some people who actually enjoy her hedonistic behavior and egg her on. Those people deserve to take a long stroll through barb wire. In this life it isn't very hard find someone who will not bend over backwards for you, a person to care and tell you when enough is enough and whatnot. It's like running into a wild Ratatat on Pokemon, you just can't avoid it. If you don't have anybody, well you kind of end up like Miley...or Hitler. I bet three eggs and a slice of bacon that ol Hitler had nobody who said "Dude, you gotta chill...The Jews aren't even that bad man, they've got dreidels and cool beards". We need people in our life to check us, it's imperative lest we turn into angry German men who want to cause a genocide. Okay maybe too extreme, but it' like the new Snickers commercial. We need someone to tell us to eat a metaphorical snickers every once in awhile to re-establish our character and put our life on track. Sometimes the snicker is a good slap in the face with a cold fish and other times it can be a heart to heart at 4 in the morning about why Yeti's attacks are deadlier than Sasquatches. I like to call these people "Life-Checkers" because they essentially keep your life in check. These individuals may not always be physically present but somehow they know exactly when to see how you're doing. That is the beauty of having a "Life-Checker", they are bound to pop up like Superman when trouble is brewing. Life Checkers also need no previous knowledge or direction in order to put your life back on track, they know you so well that they know exactly what to say and do to fix the situation. It's as if they watched your every move and decided that it was time to wipe the board clean. We all need someone to dive into the cesspool of confusion and retrieve our souls from drowning in false ideals. After finishing this post, just shoot that person a text and tell them "thank you for having the snickers"...and if they are a black male...you may need to clarify what the Snickers is. (Lewd I know)
You all have that one grandfather who sits at home and watches old episodes of MASH or Good Times. He usually smells like a mix between whiskey and mothballs and he often has a lazy eye or fat fingers. This grandfather is usually spewing out advice that could be found in any Chinese fortune cookie but one phrase we have all heard is "too much of anything can be a bad thing". In light of the divine performance by Miley Cyrus I have decided to elaborate on the fact that this is fucking true. After looking at the aftermath of her performance, I concluded that Miguel should've came and leg dropped her to end the show. Miley's new obsession with twerking was kind of cute and cool at first. "Oh bruh did you see Hannah Montana's twerking video?" "Yeah bruh who knew ol Billy Ray's daughter had it in her" "Miley twerk better than half the girls on campus." Well eventually all these compliments died out and turned into "Miley is still twerking somewhere in the world..." and "Miley invented the twerk". She has outplayed something that the African American community held dearly since the days of Grinding. It wasn't because she was white  |
| Had to shamelessly plug The Weeknd in light of his new album. The only time it is appropriate to overdose on X's and O's. |
As I bring this rant/sesh to a close I just want you to remember that Snickers and Seeds are the two S's to live by. Keep your "Life-Checkers" close by and remember to limit your use of certain actions, words, or ideas. If you do these two things I promise you won't end up looking like our friend Hannah Montana. Also she better watch it lest our girl Paula Patton snatch up her Nairobi from the Matrix doo-doo balls. I really stress the importance of recognizing and gravitating towards your LC'er. They will make life seem more realistic when the devil comes to test you. Maybe God placed guardian angels on Earth and had their wings clipped?
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| Sometimes you can't see all your angels from your angle. |
P.S. This scene is from "City Of Angels" a fantastic love story that includes the one and only Nicholas Kim Coppola better known as Nicholas Cage! A must see movie for those preparing for cuffing season. See link here --> Tis The Season
~White Rabbit
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