We Are All Vaginas

We Are All Vaginas: Lost Art Of Conversation

Mind if I penetrate you?

We all know what a vagina is right? That talk we had in 6th grade about the birds and the bees made absolutely no sense until that day in 8th grade where we found ourselves getting touched by our crush  outside of the school gym. It was a different experience, and damn sure one we were not prepared for. A vagina is the female genitalia, it's the spot where they urinate, a child comes from, and more importantly where a penis finds it's home at. Yes that's right, the vagina is the place where the penis belongs in about 25% of the time. As my title states we are all vagina's that are essentially ready to be penetrated by the mental penises of others. And the only way for us to be erect dicks is to practice the lost art of conversation. Yes, a very much lost art. Conversation is something that we have sacrificed in order to survive and thrive in this 21st century. Please excuse the rash and inappropriate title and metaphor, I swear the post gets way more serious.


This week I have been hit with a flurry of examples as to what conversation is and for your pleasure I'm going to reveal what it is that makes up a real conversation. I feel as though the conversations are something that we have all experienced in at least once in our lives. There are so many different types but at the root of every conversation is penetration (hey that rhymes). It's just like my example, we are constantly being penetrated by others in their grand pursuit of knowledge. It's only human to be curious and as we wander through the twisted tales of others we get lost in translation, sometimes literally. Some of our conversations may consist of being casually tested on what religious background we have, whereas others may consist of how many beers two guys can down together before one passes out. Just think to the different conversations you have stumbled upon this week and realize that although each subject may be very different there are some foundational parts that remain similar in all types of chat:

1. An interesting subject is always necessary (lest you get bored and tune out).
2. How you say shit is sometimes more than shit you say.
3. LISTEN.
I can't stress number three enough for the fact that most of us don't know the difference between hearing someone and listening to them. Just because you can recite what someone said to you doesn't mean you listened. In order to effectively listen you must understand number 1 and 2, and why someone would want to give you this information. Once it's your to hold, then you must take it a part and analyze it. Think of it as an anatomical frog practical that you took back in gross anatomy. It's essentially picking apart the  pieces you want and leaving the rest of the carcass to sit in the cold lockers of our mind. It's more than just the conversation that keeps the cogs of life turning, it's what you take away from the person offering words.


For example: Hey bro! Gotta tell you about last night and how the bartender kept winking at me. She was totally flirting with me and even gave me a free drink. So in return I looked over at her said, If I was a horror movie serial killer I'd wait to kill you at the end.
1. His friend being interested in the bar tender, and using a cheap pick up line.
2. Excited to tell his amigos about the scenario
3. What he wants you to understand is that he stepped outside of his normal zone to try and catch a W for the night...or at least a free drink.

The one of the biggest problems in our generation is the desensitization of our conversational/personal skills. We live in a world where one can get gratification by looking at a black midget four thousand miles away riding a donkey singing the Sri Lankan national anthem on a webcam. Yeah that's really weird I know but you get the idea. No? Okay let's try this instead. We live in a world where one persons text chat screen can be screen captured and sent to a group in order for them to laugh. As much as technology has made our lives easier, it has sucked away from some of the most necessary things we need, I.e. conversation. ( This is like my fifth rant on technology, yet I have a blog). Either way I think we should all realize that there is a world outside of the texts, emojis, and twitter feeds. I eluded to this in my social media rant but our E-language is one of the key reasons why the English language is dying. We're simplifying words that don't need to be shortened. "Alright" went to "iight", "okay" to "kk" and "yes" to "yeah". This literally sounds like some Lil Jon lyrics (his real name is Johnathan Mortimer Smith btw, and he was a valedictorian).  It sucks when words like ferrous and dubious exist which just sound cool as hell to say.  It's trashy and now we also no longer know how to  look people in the eye during conversations, shake their hands with a firm grasp. THESE SKILLS ARE TOO DAMN IMPORTANT. When we enter the real world, social connections and interactions usually happen at a local dive bar. If you don't know the proper Alcohol-to-Articulation skills then you're probably going to get wasted at 3:17 PM while getting lunch with co-workers. Another thing we have to learn is how to casually drink...which is a post coming later on. (duhn, duhn, duuuuhn)

All in all don't be a limp dick and not know how to engage others in conversation. It's okay to be awkward and introverted, however when posed to engage in a conversation, think of it as a duel. The loser gets stabbed in the chest and their dignity stolen.  It's necessary for the survival of the human race essentially. Without proper lingo skills you will never get a job, get a boo-thang, or hell even get anywhere. If you can't talk to people prepare to live in a small one-story house with no stairs, twelve cats who secretly plot your death and the only time someone touches you is when a greeter at the local Wal-Mart shakes your hand. Yeah..it's that serious. I love the term that we are all vaginas because it's such a scientific and slightly disgusting word that we rarely use it. With terms like "pussy" "snatch" "pink taco" and my favorite "cunt" its easy to forget the questionable beauty that is found in saying va-jii-nah! So continue to be a flowing vagina and whenever someone comes prepared to penetrate you with their thoughts, use protection lest you end up full of unnecessary feelings.

The art of conversation

~white rabbit