Cum Control

Cum Control: The Proper Way to Handle Thirst

It took me two Yuengling to get the courage to use that title but you will eventually understand it. So its about eight months into 2013 and for some unknown reason there is still an epidemic of thirst. This disease happened so suddenly and it spared no one. Thirst does not discriminate, there is no true cure for thirst. In my mind thirst is essentially equivalent to the common cold. Everybody gets that shit at one point in time. We are all victims of thirst, however some of us are more susceptible to its harmful effects which leads me to this post. WE'VE GOT TO STOP THIS THIRST EPIDEMIC. 

Proof that thirst does not discriminate -> 7 Celebrities Who Are Great At Posting Thirst Traps On Instagram 

According to my bro's Merriam and Webster thirst can be defined as "an ardent desire" however according to the great minds at Urban Dictionary thirst is "overly eager for something". Thirst is a curse, college students are the primary targets too. We all have seen those people roaming campuses, craving attention from either upperclassmen or popular individuals. Sometimes its humorous and other times it's sadder than the ASPCA commercials. These stray dogs are just looking for love in the wrong places. Thirst can happen so unconsciously that you need to protect yourself from exuding thirst. These simple steps will help you combat thirst.

Yu-Gi-HOEEEE

1. Avoid Thirst Traps

Right now at this moment some person is posting on Instagram a half naked selfie of themselves. This girl is probably laying in a bed with ruffled sheets or in a towel in her bathroom with a foggy mirror. The guy may be standing with his shirt off showing off basic tattoos or biting his lip in a provocative manner. Usually their Instagram names have something along the lines of xxbaby or something similar involving  the "X" consonant placed in random locations. What we need to do is not click the "Comment" button or else we have already fallen into the thirst trap. A thirst trap is a trap usually set by females but light-skin men are also culprits; they will post an ambiguous statement or picture and expect their audience to reciprocate with comments or "heart-eyed" emojis. Don't do it! Other examples of thirst traps are whenever individuals post tweets "my phone dry" or using something along those lines. If your phone is dry then why don't you toss it in a bucket of water; don't attract unnecessary attention or else you will succumb to thirst. Instead why don't you pick up a book and read or eat a bowl of ice-cream. Also for those of you posting your ASK.FM in your bios or tweets then please hop in your car, drive to the nearest bridge, get out the car tie a concrete block to your feet and jump off that bridge. That ask.fm is dead as ever. One of my homies "Trell" uses ask.fm to find himself a wife...haaaaaa. It is important to not fall into thirst traps but more importantly do not set them yourself. Add to the solution, not the problem.

2. Boundaries

Now when I comment on this I am referring to how you interact with other people of the opposite sex who you may find attractive or popular. There is a hierarchy in every social situation: offices, campuses, Blockbusters. At the top of the totem pole sits your King/Queen Shit individuals. These people spent majority of their career developing a persona that is completely unique and epic. Everybody wants to be in the circle or wants the circle inside them if you catch my drift. However trying to "scheme" on the circle is foolish, because they have made it to the top where the rules don't effect them. So if you are in a different circle and you want to matriculate or mate with someone of that circle you may exude thirst. Don't be overly friendly with these people right off the bat for your "niceness" may be mistaken for thirst. It takes time and sometimes you need to realize when and where it is appropriate to "scheme"on a circle member. Don't do it at a party where everybody and their Aunt Shae are present, instead just keep it on the regular. These boundaries are the ones that I am referring to; just take precaution when interacting with public figures of the opposite sex. 

3. Style and Attitude

This one is geared towards the female and this is totally my opinion so just keep that in mind. First off, don't dress like a French harlot on the way to class. Life is not a runway so do not strut your stuff at every moment. Club dresses do not belong outside of the club. That's like wearing condoms underneath your boxers just in case...awks. My advice to the women who are reading this is it's not necessarily about what you choose to wear but how you carry yourself when wearing it. Don't put on skimpy clothes and then jump from guy to guy. Of course about 67.45% of the time you are actually not thirsty butttt people do not always think that way. Especially judgemental people. They will take the smallest detail and turn you into the talk of the town. It's like 21st century "The Crucible" where everybody is accusing everybody of being a witch or thirst demon. All I'm saying is that carry yourself like a grown individual and it won't matter what you are wearing. Unless you have on Apple Bottom jhorts or Jeggings. 

L'Agent Commercial

The key is in the wearer, not the wearing. 

All in all we need to  that we take precautions and try to prevent it from spreading. Do not be "that guy" or "that girl" who everybody knows as King or Queen Thirst. That is a title about as bad as Most Likely to End Up Flipping Burgers. Thirst is spread through personal contact, social media and other various vectors. I have both been a victim and a witness to the thirst pandemic that is spreading through college campuses. Factors like alcohol and  Pseudo-"bae caught me slipping" pictures will add to thirst. Remember to always quench thirst whenever it becomes too much to handle lest you become the Campus Jester. It's like those Snicker commercials, where you act like someone pissy because you're hungry.  How you quench it is clearly up to you but I heard the best strategy is using the Incognito window and making use of the hands that we were born with. Not only will it save you the trouble of looking thirsty, it's relatively effective...but the downside is that it's not as good as the real thing as we all know. So have a slight thirst but not to the extreme where it's creepy. 

~King Of Hearts