Miley's Still Twerking...(Snickers & Seeds)

Miley's Still Twerking (Snickers & Seeds) : Why You Need Life-Checkers and Too Much of Anything can be Bad

Miley...Remember Who You Are - Billy Ray Mufasa

Let's face it. Twerking is almost officially dead. What once served as an African American ritual that was an outlet for emotional and mental stress has turned into a 13 year old white girls favorite past time for vine videos. Who do we have to thank for this but the Almighty Miley Cyrus. If you didn't know Miley freed the slaves, built the Pyramids and turned water into wine thanks to her immaculate twerking abilities. Yeah...this rant has two parts if you skipped over reading the lengthy title. 

Another reality we also have to face is that Miley Cyrus got some black dick somewhere down the road and alienated herself from her fellow Disney Channel stars. I don't see Selena Gomez sexy self walking around looking like an undercooked churro and doing some river dancing. Even Lindsay Lohan with her powdered nose isn't objectifying herself on national TV. At least she knows where she belongs, in between the lines..good one right? However our girl Miley has no person, nothing, nobody to stop and tell her "Hey, stop twerking. It's not mature". The worst part is that there are some people who actually enjoy her hedonistic behavior and egg her on. Those people deserve to take a long stroll through barb wire. In this life it isn't very hard find someone who will not bend over backwards for you, a person to care and tell you when enough is enough and whatnot. It's like running into a wild Ratatat on Pokemon, you just can't avoid it.  If you don't have anybody, well you kind of end up like Miley...or Hitler. I bet three eggs and a slice of bacon that ol Hitler had nobody who said "Dude, you gotta chill...The Jews aren't even that bad man, they've got dreidels and cool beards". We need people in our life to check us, it's imperative lest we turn into angry German men who want to cause a genocide. Okay maybe too extreme, but it' like the new Snickers commercial. We need someone to tell us to eat a metaphorical snickers every once in awhile to re-establish our character and put our life on track. Sometimes the snicker is a good slap in the face with a cold fish and other times it can be a heart to heart at 4 in the morning about why Yeti's attacks are deadlier than Sasquatches. I like to call these people "Life-Checkers" because they essentially keep your life in check. These individuals may not always be physically present but somehow they know exactly when to see how you're doing. That is the beauty of having a "Life-Checker", they are bound to pop up like Superman when trouble is brewing. Life Checkers also need no previous knowledge or direction in order to put your life back on track, they know you so well that they know exactly what to say and do to fix the situation. It's as if they watched your every move and decided that it was time to wipe the board clean. We all need someone to dive into the cesspool of confusion and retrieve our souls from drowning in false ideals. After finishing this post, just shoot that person a text and tell them "thank you for having the snickers"...and if they are a black male...you may need to clarify what the Snickers is. (Lewd I know)

You all have that one grandfather who sits at home and watches old episodes of MASH or Good Times. He usually smells like a mix between whiskey and mothballs and he often has a lazy eye or fat fingers. This grandfather is usually spewing out advice that could be found in any Chinese fortune cookie but one phrase we have all heard is "too much of anything can be a bad thing". In light of the divine performance by Miley Cyrus I have decided to elaborate on the fact that this is fucking true. After looking at the aftermath of her performance, I concluded that Miguel should've came and leg dropped her to end the show. Miley's new obsession with twerking was kind of cute and cool at first. "Oh bruh did you see Hannah Montana's twerking video?" "Yeah bruh who knew ol Billy Ray's daughter had it in her" "Miley twerk better than half the girls on campus." Well eventually all these compliments died out and turned into "Miley is still twerking somewhere in the world..." and "Miley invented the twerk". She has outplayed something that the African American community held dearly since the days of Grinding. It wasn't  because she was white kinda, but it was the fact that she did it so much that it was the only thing she wanted to be known for. We 21st century cats all live by motto's like Live Fast and Party Until You Vomit on Public Transportation, but Miley pretends that it is the only thing left in life. Take notes ladies and gents that overuse or overdoing something can be detrimental to life. Even if that something starts out absolutely phenomenal like smoking, sex (debatable) or creating short stories. It's better to take things in doses rather than blast them 100% from the beginning. The perfect examples are songs, after hearing your "favorite song" on the radio for long periods of time you realize that you actually hate that shit and Future should have never sang the chorus. Take water and a seed for example, watering the soil everyday will create a beautiful blossoming flower, but if you dump buckets of water on it on the first day then you will essentially kill the plant. In the garden of life, we are the caretakers and should realize when to water certain plants. Finding a balance between dosage and amount can save lives, just like any medication on the market. Too much will lead to an overdose...

Had to shamelessly plug The Weeknd in light of his new album. The only time it is appropriate to overdose on X's and O's.

As I bring this rant/sesh to a close I just want you to remember that Snickers and Seeds are the two S's to live by. Keep your "Life-Checkers" close by and remember to limit your use of certain actions, words, or ideas. If you do these two things I promise you won't end up looking like our friend Hannah Montana. Also she better watch it lest our girl Paula Patton snatch up her Nairobi from the Matrix doo-doo balls. I really stress the importance of recognizing and gravitating towards your LC'er. They will make life seem more realistic when the devil comes to test you. Maybe God placed guardian angels on Earth and had their wings clipped?

Sometimes you can't see all your angels from your angle.

P.S. This scene is from "City Of Angels" a fantastic love story that includes the one and only Nicholas Kim Coppola better known as Nicholas Cage! A must see movie for those preparing for cuffing season. See link here --> Tis The Season

~White Rabbit

Tis The Season

Tis The Season: The Two Seasons of The World (Cuffing & Inspiration)

There comes a time in the lives of all animals where we must hibernate during the winter months. We hide away in dark caves and look for any means to stay warm amidst the chilly and cold weather. Us humans are subject to the same biological process; however it goes by the name "Cuffing Season.”  When cuffing season is over, we hop right back out into the "Inspiration Season" where the weather is warmer and the women wear less clothes. We shall observe the human in its natural habitat and examine their transitions between the two seasons of life. It's really a natural phenomenon that is exciting to watch, and partake in every once in awhile. I wish you all the best of luck as you enter cuffing season. 

Cuffing season begins roughly around October - there isn't a specific date. The beginning is more in accordance with the weather; when the leaves start to turn brown and the sky is gray, then you can expect to see less human beings out and about. However the human has usually already planted the seeds to find their “cuffer” or “cuffee,” depending on what position they play. Seed planting (Flirting, casual dating, texting on the regular, the awkwardly cute stare you give during a lecture) begins the minute school starts up; people begin weeding out partners in order to find the most efficient and productive partner. One may begin by tweeting "in bed alone about to go to bed", or posting random ambiguous TweetGrams (Fuck TweetGrams) about being lonely or wanting someone to text them because "their phone is dry". Another sign of cuffing season approaching is the sound of simping music in the air. The Drake/Weekend/Songz playlists come out and we all seem to get in our feelings. Nights may be spent listening to "Take Care" in a dark room with a chilled glass of Henny waiting on the edge of the table, with a phone lighting up the room that presents a drafted "hey stranger..." text. Every apartment complex around campus becomes a "Marvin's Room."  Courting for cuffing is subliminal and precise. Each human has different criteria for who they are looking forward to finding. Some people just want a person who wants to eat greasy fast food, fuck like there’s no tomorrow, and watch seasons of Digimon on Netflix. Doesn't that sound like a great life? Others want more in a partner, maybe some sort of emotional connection but this can be deadly for the season. Let it be known that majority of the time you may not be the only person being observed to be a cuffing mate. The Pre-Cuff season is much like being drafted for a game of middle school kickball; the last ones picked are usually the worst, so get yours early. Remember though, when you commit to a cuff, there's no re-nigging on your decision. One cuff is enough. Don't play the field or you'll be bit by snakes in the shape of spiteful partners. The reason that cuffing may be deadly is that sometimes when the season ends and it's time for the bird to fly from the nest and fuck other birds, some can't handle it. My advice would be to have a written contract of what your cuffing-ness consists, so that neither participant is confused. Because once the sun comes back out to shine...

Check out my boo Selena

The world falls into inspiration season. A time for the humans to revert back to their natural states and be free again like held farts in cramped elevators. Spring time rolls around, and so do the sun-dresses and shorts. All that skin gets shown and Homo sapien hormones begin to boil once again, becoming Homo erectus. The heat makes people go crazy. Walking around the town you begin to notice the young males observing females and vice versa. The two debate with their pack mates to determine if mating would be a viable option and, based on the consensus of the group, will either attack or run. Humans are still a part of nature regardless of how intelligent we become. The biological cycle and circadian rhythms apply to us even if we have created things like self-control and sustainability. The alcohol fountains also flow much more in the springtime. Literally it becomes a free-for-all when spring break happens– you have a better chance of surviving the wilder beasts stampede from the Lion King. The scheme lottery begins when the temperature hits above 80 degrees. Until that day comes, be cautious and protect yourself from the horrors that will come when the human kind gets horny. Finding someone not into inspiration season at all is like finding a survivor on The Walking Dead, and sometimes even these survivors are more deadly than the mindless sex-crazed zombies. They potentially serve as the ultimate cock-block on occasion or can become the reason blue-balls still exist in the 21st century. Be mindful that when the season ends; it is imperative to realize the shifting in the weather and act accordingly.

Sign you up an account to find #Him/#Her

After observing the natural human in it's habitat, I believe I can conclude that a majority of the species is susceptible to the seasonal changes; however, a small branch of these creatures will still have the freedom to act accordingly no matter what season is in effect. The cuffing season generally becomes useless after a certain age range once the inquisitive human is ready to settle down. It's a part of natural selection in the 21st century. A human may meet their mate through the various outlets that are presented to it (Ask.fm, DM-ming, Myspace), though very few of the mates can turn into a lifelong partner. There is a risk that every individual takes when condoning in cuffing and inspiration seasons, and that is the risk of feelings. Feelings are something that not even Negrodomis could predict. Matters of the heart do not follow the rules. Feelings are like Juicy J's life...a wild ride that is on it's way to an overdose and a pumped stomach. 

P.S. In case cuffing season fails.... www.pornmd.com <-- combine this with the Incognito Window on Google Chrome and you've essentially become a master...

~White Rabbit

Crash Course

Crash Course: The Circle

I woke up to a "Bro, what happened last night" message this morning. As I wiped the sand out of my eyes I thought back to the countless shots and beers that were being thrown back as the music blared and people chatted. Then I remembered the delicious Waffle House that seemed to taste like the forbidden fruit. It doesn't even feel real until you look at your wrists and see the evidence from the night, neon colored bands decorate your arms like handcuffs. Arrested by the development of the night.

I'm here to discuss is how important friendship and bonds are to us. In the grand scheme of things a human is weaker than a Lil Twist freestyle, but yet with the power of other humans we can find a strength that could not be attained on our own. Each group of friends have certain roles that each of us synonymously interchange and interact with like TV channels. We need these roles because without them we lose a piece of the bond that was established.


1. The Leader- This is the position of the either appointed point man. Always quick on his/her toes they can command the group even under the most awkward situations, such as finding a visiting guest's lost Army brother. This person has to have an air of cool and suave about him that make him/her seem larger than life, and truth is he most likely is. He/she has a few talents from each of the other roles that make him even better. This is your Tidus or Sora for those Square Enix fans. Always ready to take his/her troops into weekend battles with brews and bad attitude bouncers. He lives for the excitement and joy of seeing his team/homies reach their goals. The leader is never really one person, this role can be interchanged. The leader also doesn't always necessarily lead the group but does possess qualities of each of the roles.

2. The Brains - The genius fellow who has too much knowledge for his/her own good. He/she usually assists the group by providing the necessary information. A stickler for productivity and efficiency he/she is usually cognisant of the time and accord of the events taking place. If a kickback starts at 12:30 he informs us of who is there, what they have said about it and what time it's appropriate to be fashionably late. The brains is sharp and a well developed person who doesn't take back talk from the other members of the group. Why does he/she need to when he knows everything? Royalty among peasants in their mind.

3. The Asshole - Gotta love this person, he's/she's the one to depend on when shit gets real. The asshole is someone who is ready to jump down another throat for no apparent reason. It doesn't matter if you spilled the beer on tiles, he's/she's going to call out your foul loudly and proudly, much like how it is to say black proudness or reciting Meek Mill lyrics. The asshole is a double edged character however and can place on of the homies in his targets. Thankfully the bonds between them are so strong that the occasional friendly fire is tolerated and move forward laughing at the crazy shit. The asshole is here to remove the shit basically.

4. The Schemer- Man, the subliminal mastermind behind the plot. This guy/girl is like Don Corleone or Tobi from Naruto. He/she knows whats what and how to make something happen. It may be a day or months before his/her actions take place but when they do they are well thought out. The Scheme doesn't have to always be the opposite sex either, it may be getting into a certain event, making an appearance, or even finding the right roommate. The schemer will work tirelessly hidden from the eyes of the public and cover his/her tracks. Only when he/she finds his/her scheme successful will he/she truly be satisfied. A person who lives for the thrill of the chase. The scheme life chose them.


5. The Diva - The dramatics of the group. The man/woman who gives life to the club. This person is essentially the heart in the sex machine known as ,an. Always in the spotlight, he/she lives for the peoples attention in a positive manner. The bundle of joy knows how to make the best out of any situation and any time this person is down the group is 50 shades grayer. Don't let the attention and dramatics fool you for inside the Diva is a person who essentially wants nothing more than to feel alive. It's a grand feeling that they get when others look up to them and constantly mention their names like a twitter feed.

6. The Funnyman- The Jokester who will crack the most ridiculous and hilarious jokes. He/she thrives on the shouts and smiles he/she can generate from his/her peers. Life is one big jazz cafe with an open mic on Wednesdays where the drinks are half off. An soldier with an arsenal of memes, catch phrases, jokes and scenarios that are more bizarre than a black guy at a Macklemore Concert. He's/she's a genius and wordsmith who can manipulate and motivate through the motions of making others laugh. Give him/her a round of applause *inserts hand clap emojis* because he will keep the energy alive.

There is a certain art that this life requires and that is the art of friendship. We need people close to hang out at the bars with and fireman carry us back to our bed when we had too much to drink that night. Gotta love these guys and girls who will bend over backwards like a spineless stripper. How exciting it must be to have found a group of people just as twisted and crazy as you? Do you realize the potential that lies in a friendship, it's more deadly than the attraction between white women and black men. As we grew up we watched shows that depicted the coming together of a bizarre group of individuals who all had strengths and weaknesses and found a way to work together in a cohesive manner. Even though all cartoons now suck, we cannot forget about the values that they taught us back then. Always remember to ask...#WhoIsCrash?

Blood makes you related, loyalty makes you family. 

~White Rabbit

Useless...Shit

Useless...Shit: How To Deal With Unnecessary Things

These last few days all I have seen a lot of things around college. There are bright eyed and nervous freshman students. As I enter my final year at college I reminisce on all the things that I did freshman year. Crazy shit. I look at all the sad parents who block traffic to cry and kiss their kids goodbye for the next few months. What I see on the faces of these young cats is potential. Potential energy can be deadly. It's much like fire, it can be used as a tool to create and advance or burn down and destroy. Some of them will slip into alcoholism, much like myself, deal with the pressures of maintaining a social reputation and even fall through the academic cracks and find themselves making sex calls for a living after dropping out. Others will go on to start clubs and organizations, will rise to the ranks and become future doctors and dentists, much like myself, and even find themselves out and about traveling the world. But what I see the most on move in day is so much useless shit. Seriously, why the hell do you need to bring a bookcase into your dorm the size of a church pew? How many books do you have? Are you a hermit who lives with cats and creepily sits on the couch at all hours of the day like my neighbor? Why did you go out and buy pots and pans and you can't even boil water? You bought a guitar to school because you've decided that you lack musical prowess and want to take up the strings during your first semester? No, the one thing I want to bring to the table is how to deal with the useless shit in our lives, both concrete and abstract.

Let's admit it, some of us have a hoarding problem. It's understandable to keep the first bottle you bought or the books you read in middle school but there is no point in holding onto the yes-no notes we passed in class. We've got to learn how to judge what is really important to our future; the past already happened and absolutely nothing can be done about that except look at it. The past is like a zoo, you can look all you want at the animals but the minute you try and reach out to it, you find yourself with a bite on the finger and simian bacteria running through your blood. In terms of real things, hold onto something that defines who you are NOW! Don't let it be something that you once stood for, especially if it's from your darker days. Be smart and realize that who you are now is not who you were yesterday and as cliche as that sounds, there is truth in cliches.

Totally recommend this movie with George Clooney.

Now now now, baggage is poison. It's a slow death and usually consists of some underlying elements at work. We all have baggage on this flight called life however some individuals learn how to fly with less baggage or efficiently handle it. Whether it's emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, social, academic, or mental problems you've got to learn how to deal with it. That's essentially what growing up is all about. It's not some grand scheme where one day you are an adult, no it's about handling the issues and problems in a relatively mature and thought out manner. Fuck whatever else anybody told you about growing up. Life doesn't get easier when you get older, but yet people still manage to walk around with smiles on their faces? That's because they have amazing baggage claiming capabilities. Don't let them fool you and think that there life is perfect because that's more bullshit than Lindsay Lohan staying sober for 16 minutes. Everybody always harps on never being the person known as "someone with a lot of baggage" but honestly how can you even live your own life with baggage? How do you wake up in the morning and the first thought is about something from your past; can you not even enjoy the damn sunlight for a minute before wallowing? It shouldn't even come down to what other people say about you, it's what you say to yourself in the interrogation room located in your inner cerebellum. You subconsciously stuff your face full of food that you can't digest and when it's time for that food to come out, you find out that twelve rounds of Candy Crush Saga have already passed while you were still removing shit. I say this because life does that to you, it overloads your mainframe and expects you to still compute, transmit and accept new data. However we find often that our hard drive occasionally crashes and we slip into rock bottom. When you are at rock bottom, I beg of you to remember this: there's only two choices you can make...you can either stay at the bottom or climb back up out of the hole. Life is a hunter who has laid traps that resemble our pasts. It looks important, smells relative, and can even feel brand new but nonetheless it's a trap. It's essentially a Shadow Clone Jutsu. 

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's Rock Bottom Tribute 

Don't Get Rock-Bottomed By Life

Baggage can make each day seem like a living hell that's why it's imperative that you clean out your mind annually. Same way you clean out your house, do that. Fix the leaky thought pipes to avoid any flooding ideas. Spark the furnace located in your heart. Adjust the air conditioning of your physical condition and get healthy. After you've thoroughly analyzed and cleaned out your mental mansion, take a moment and enjoy a cold beverage because that's tough stuff. It's not a task that can be done in a day but I promise that you will feel better once it's been done. So to those of you reading this, take the time to throw away the useless shit. You're never going to get back those moments, so dead the idea. Anything you wish you would've done, either do it or don't; there's no point contemplating an empty opportunity. Enjoy the life that you were granted because it's the only one you've got...unless you have some sort of immortality or regenerative capabilities. I cannot stress this fact enough that holding onto unnecessary things is pointless. It's like carrying around a dead corpse in a war zone, if you know its dead it only slows you down and makes you a more vulnerable target to die yourself. It's a sacrifice indeed and may sometimes be a harder decision than ice cream or nutella, but it's a sacrifice you will be thankful for in the long run. Just do it.

Mickeys Mental Interior Decorating Squad

Fuck the rules of society and throw away the useless shit. Be a free human for once in your enslaved life. 

~White Rabbit

Random Movie Review: The Tree Of Life

Reel Room Presents A Random Movie Review: The Tree Of Life

It's hard to imagine when you look at another human being what you're really seeing is trillions of microscopic organisms all living and communicating with each other in a symbiotic manner. From the textbook definition, life is nothing more than a reaction that was caused by a cosmic explosion that resulted in a domino effect of subsequent reactions that eventually gave birth to bacterial cells in the water. These bacteria grew and developed into cells which eventually came together to form tissues, organs and finally organisms. Organisms got tired of the water and left for land and millions of years later we sit in front of the computer screen or phone reading
this post. In the most basic sense, that is life. 

"You see that honey? That's where God lives." - Mrs. O'Brian

However we all know that life is more than just cells adhering to each other and the transmission of ions across a chemical gradient. What separates life as we know it from the definition of life is another four letter word that begins with L and yes it is love; but not the kind of "relationship" love that sappy teenagers gawk over. No this is having love for life and for nature and all things that happen to be involved with living. Recently I watched a movie known as "The Tree Of Life" and today as I write I look back on life and how our misconceptions about life are the greatest gifts known to humanity. It was a film directed by Terrence Malick, a well-known artist. Malick does not create movies like the ones we pay $9.75 for, instead he creates moving masterpieces transfixed on the most basic and yet deepest abstract ideas. Life, love, loss, innocence, holiness are just a few. I will refrain from explaining the plot in this one because it's truly a film that needs to be analyzed by the viewer. No amount of reviews or reading can prepare one for the emotional and conceptual film known as "The Tree Of Life."

Your mother's naive. It takes fierce will to get ahead in this world.
If you're good, people take advantage of you.- Mr. O'Brian

"The Tree Of Life" stars our new favorite zombie killer and hit man Brad Pitt, the cryogenically frozen mobster Sean Penn as well as the lovely Jessica Chastain. The Pitt and Chastain play the parents of a typical American family, the O'Brians, with three young and curious boys. The movie surrounds the life of the eldest son known as Jack and watches as his life is exposed to a multitude of variable from death to trust between brothers. The first half of The Tree Of Life is centered around the actual creation of life; we watch cells divide and multiply, nebula's and galaxies split apart and even watch a dinosaur get his head trampled. The movie isn't dialogue oriented, instead it is relatively silent and grants one the ability to use their heart and mind to understand and reflect on the themes present. Pitt's character is a maverick, he is an overbearing father who is teaches tough love to his boys (Major Payne style). I really wanted to hate his character for the way he treated his sons and wife but as I examined it closer I realized that he was doing what was necessary to train up his children. He eventually sees the error of his foolish ways and devotes himself to change. Chastain is a stay at home mother who reminds you of a hippie; various scenes she can be found wandering in the grass or forest barefoot. She is well kept and soft spoken. It is in her kind words that the boys find shelter from their father's harsh beliefs. Mrs. O'Brien is the guardian angel, she fills the boy's head with goodness and lessons that can't be taught through life.

"Funeral Canticle" - John Taverner 

 The main character Jack is beautiful, in a sense that he is innocent. The film literally watches him grow from an infant to a conflicted teenager. What makes this character unique is the way he reflects on his actions and the actions of others. Jack represents all of us, the child-like mind that so many of us repress and refuse to listen to. In the grand scheme of nature and life we are but a child, wandering the woods of experience. During certain scenes we hear Jack's prayer with God, it's untainted and naive; yet as we watch Jack go through his days we notice that his actions do not match with his prayers, thus creating a rift between what he wants to believe and what he actually does. He constantly questions God: when his classmate dies, when his father scolds him, and even when he loses something dear to him. We watch as his baby dimples and smile slowly diminishes into a solemn grin that is plastered on his sketched face at times. It's almost twisted how as we grow older the more we sacrifice for each day we are given. The movie has me at a true loss for words, it is poetically holy and scientifically demoralizing at the same time. I would recommend taking time alone to watch this movie, its very thought provoking and riveting. Also this film is not for everybody, some of us have yet to understand the beauty that is nature. It's more than a coming of age tale, it's a story about what happens while the world turns. 

Are You watching me? I want to know what You are.
I want to see what You see. - Jack

The musical selection was everything. Full of harmonic choruses and deep strings. At times it creates a sorrowful lamentation and yet it turns into the sound of nature itself. Even now as the music fades in the background I feel as though I can hear each note dropping with the raindrops falling outside. The other breathtaking aspect about "The Tree Of Life" was the visual effects. The first thirty minutes of film which we observe the origins of life are immensely powerful. You want to feel emotions when you watch the cells ingest each other and yet you take a step back and realize that this is a mechanical process that happens every day. And suddenly your caught in between sympathizing with the complex autonomous aspects life but relating to the vastly unpredictable virtuous acts that we know. 

How do I get back? To where they are. - Jack

The theme I resonated with the most in the film was the dual teaching the boys were getting from each parent. Mother and Father both essentially represent the two sides of life, the realistic and the abstract. Ever since we were children we were told of the abstract ideals associated with life, and yet as we continue to grow, develop feelings and experience impurity, we soon begin to question whether these ideals are true. The Father figure wants us to be fully prepared for the world and not rely on things like hope faith and joy; but rather hard work, suffering and self-motivation. However the Mother is instilling in us those values neglected by Father in order to give substance to life. One particular quote that  Mrs. O'Brian said was "The only way to be happy is to love, unless you love your life will flash by". This ultimately brings us to the point that it's not enough to simply live a life. As cliche as that sounds, there is often truths in cliches. Life happens all around us at any given moment. While we constantly debate whether God exists or life began from a cosmic explosion, we must always remember that it is ours to hold for a time period so trivial things such as money and success matter not. What is it that separates us from the pseudomonas aeruginosa that plague murky waters, or the extinct dinosaurs? How can we pride ourselves on a thing such as life but yet we have no idea how much value is truly in it? Why is it that when a life is lost that it hurts humans so bad, yet in the animal kingdom a death is considered beneficial? Why do we not marvel every time we grow a hair or a tree sprouts seeds? Our desensitization of life has caused us to often forget the bareness and simplicity associated with it. And yet we still continue to enjoy the sights and sounds that nature orchestrates for us. What is it that makes life worth sacrificing our God-given infant-like purity? What keeps the tree of life rooted into the soil? It's simple. Love. 

Nature only wants to please itself. Get others to please it too. Likes to lord it over them. To have its own
way. It finds reasons to be unhappy when all the world is shining around it. And love is smiling through all things. - Mrs. O'Brian

~The White Rabbit

Pissing In The Dark

Pissing In The Dark: The Importance of Faith in our Lives

And we know what life without wi-fi is like. #FirstWorldProblems

All my fellas can relate to me on this one. You wake up around 4:30ish in the morning from either a long night out drinking with your mates/brohams/homies or from a stressful day dealing with the bullshit of people. You struggle to fall back to sleep because your bladder baby is kicking harder than Lionel Messi on a PK overtime. As you contemplate the next move you inadvertently climb out of bed and hobble to the toilet. However you don't turn on any lights for fear of causing your body to wake up, thus rendering sleep impossible again. You find your feet on the linolium tiles and wander into the bathroom, lights still off. Pull out your dick and begin to piss in a dark corridor; yet you know that you're hitting the spot due to the sound of urine reacting with water. We occasionally may hit the bowl but then quickly divert back to the target. After releasing your bodily fluids you wipe up the mistakes, flush the toilet (skip the hand washing because water wakes you up and your hand is dead from laying on it) and fall back asleep. Somehow we managed to make it to the restroom in complete darkness and find our target without making a mess, so what is it that grants us that ability. As crazy as it sounds, that is faith.

A scene from my father's favorite movie "A Miracle On 34th Street" 

Faith is another one of those abstract ideals that we were taught in elementary school along with sharing is caring and you can't show others your private parts in public. We all know what faith is and can recite even the Bible verse related to it but somehow faith seems to evade our monotonous day to day living. How can something so deeply ingrained into our lives be so absent from our consciousness? I'll tell you, because we are all stupid fucks. I hate to be rude (no I don't) but we are stupid humans who think that everything in life revolves around our "ever so thoughtful" decision making and understanding. Newsflash. We can't even control  something so insignificant like goosebumps so how the hell do we think we can control our own life and destiny? We can't and that is where faith comes into play. Those who don't believe this to be true can go back in their Pokeball. It's having that complete trust or confidence in something or someone  that keeps us perpetually, moving forward( Definition of faith according to my bros Merriam and Webbiester). It doesn't matter how much preparation you put into a project, person or idea; after you have prepared it's time to perform. You can't perform until the time comes so what do you do between then? I'm going to assume either a. be consumed by anxiety and negative feelings or b. have some faith. Faith is the opposite end of the magnet known as reason.

Leap Of Faith

Now having some faith doesn't mean that you can YOLO your life away (like I did with exams last semester). It takes some personal preparation in order for faith to work in your favor. Starts with believing. To those who live their lives by winging everything, good for you but sometime sooner or later that shit will run out and you're stuck with nothing; on the other hand those people who have to plan out everything...well no  matter how much planning you do it won't always go according to plan. Unless of course you're Fred from Scooby-Doo and every scheme you set results in success. But I don't think any of you are into soul-less gingers with horrible fashion sense and wear orange ascots year-round. If you are...please go to the nearest gas station and order the sushi to clear out all the bullshit in your system. We have to have some degree of faith in order to make it in life, whether that be faith in things to come, people or even ourselves. Last time I checked none of you own a crystal ball, foresight powers due to virginity or own a Delorean so predicting the future is basically pointless. But when it comes to the future you have to have something that will calm your fears and allow you to rest easy knowing that it will work out. That's what faith is, its the knowing that something will work out so long as you let it run its course. Sometimes that can include waiting for whatever to happen, others includes acting immediately without weighing the options but either way the scale tips you have to have faith in the equation. Some Most of the time faith does work in our favor but the minute something doesn't go our way we think that the world is cruel and unforgiving like a college CHEM 101 professor. Well that is true but that's why we have faith to serve as our TA, to help smooth out the difficult problems and explain the elements we constantly run across in our lecture called life. But we don't always accept the assistance of our TA's now do we? Especially if they don't seem to always be around.

"I find your lack of faith disturbing." - Lord Darth Vader 
(Totally Love Star Wars)

 What I'm trying to say is that our generation has slowly killed off what it means to have faith. We have success stories of "one hit wonders" and "overnight successes" but that 0.0001 percent of the population. The other 99.9999 percent didn't wake up and say "after my morning glory and coffee I'll become successful/famous." Those 0.0001 percent also end up looking like Trinny James at the BET Awards or Honey Boo-Boo Child after her "special juices", a HOT FUCKING MESS THAT NEED'S TO BE TRANQUILIZED. We believe that we are entitled to every opportunity that falls in our lap the same way that ones fall into the lap of skrippas. Turns out that isn't the case, unless you bare a little bit of yourself first.  Nobody owes us anything and we think that we that we obtain something through our own personal skill and abilities. Abstract ideas like faith, happiness and imagination are as relevant as Iota's on Meet the Greeks in our generation. The American Dream is the biggest facade next to the Amish Mafia but yet it still gives us some sense of identity. Through hard work and determination you can make something of yourself but there is still so much more left in order to reach the real dream. I'm personally having a hard time understanding how we (myself included) can live faithless lives and still manage to think everything is cool. Has it become so obsolete that we no longer value it, or did we kill it off when we started to "grow up" and "mature"? Are these words the assassins behind the murders of our childhood ideals or did we pull the trigger ourselves? As long as we breathe and make conscious decisions we need to find ways to re-incorporate faith back into our maturation progress. I'm just as young, foolish and naive as Miley Cyrus' fans but one thing I will hold onto is my mustard seed. The mustard seed known as faith. Because I know I will be pissing with my eyes closed come the morning.

Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." - Matthew 17:20

~White Rabbit

Artist Of The Week: Lana Del Rey

Artist Of The Week: Lana Del Rey

She's crazy, she's beautiful and she was probably born in the wrong generation. Yes ladies and gentleman I am referring to the beautiful 60's goddess known as Lana Del Rey. This US singer has been the highlight of crazy college girls and hipster guys. Born as Elizabeth Woolridge Grant she went by the stage name Lizze Grant before becoming the Lana we know and love. If you're not a worker Bey (Beyonce fan) then you will probably end up being a Lana lover.  Lana has been featured and won such awards such as the GQ "Woman of the Year" and others. We all know who she is, and if you don't know by now then you've probably been living underneath a rock with a gay starfish named Patrick. Either way she makes beautiful music and we're about to dive into the cesspool of sadness known as "Born To Die."

"Blue Jeans"- Lana Del Rey (The Internet Remix)

"Born To Die" was her golden child, her "College Dropout", "So Far Gone", or "Nevermind". It separated her from other indie artists who were emerging during her time period. Her top single, "Blue Jeans" gave life to her career, sparking a cult of Generation Y young adults to follow her into the wine cellar and experiment with alcohol. The lyrics could be found on every recently dumped man's Facebook page or heartbroken female's fingers and hands as tattoos. The video was well crafted as well, using a black and white filter to depict the seduction  of an innocent woman by a tattooed male who is supposed to represent "the guy you can't let go". Ladies we know.  The other singles released with this album include "Video Games" "National Anthem" and "Summertime Sadness". Out of these songs I would say "Summertime Sadness" has the greatest musical quality however "National Anthem" created a larger fan base with it's video. Lana decided to include the only black dude in the game who can rock French Braids and a grill, A$AP Rocky, to portray JFK in her video. It depicted the love of the Kennedy First Family before ol John's top slipped back like Janet at the Superbowl (Thanks Drake). The two had such chemistry on the camera that one could speculate that they were dating, or at least she was getting some black...well you get it. What I do love about her music is that other's love it so well that they feel inspired to create remixes of her. I actually found her by listening to "The Internet" a subgroup of Odd Future; the duo covered her song and I instantly fell in love. Her singles have been the target of many electro and dance artists. Regardless she has been at the tip of success with this album as well as the Paradise edition, which included another eight songs. I recommend listening to this album front to back to fully understand the depth of her sorrow. On some tracks she sings about the lazy summer days and nights; but other tracks are her crooning over the love of her life (past, present, or future). My favorite track would have to be "God's & Monsters", it's a twisted track of her rambling about how she lives in the world we proclaim to be the best. It's a breakdown of the reality of life and that we only exist at the mercy of the gods and monsters who sit on opposite ends of the chess board. The lyrics make you feel minimalistic"In the land of god's and monsters, I was an angel looking to get f*cked hard", her viewpoint on the situation is realistic and slightly cynical.

"Gods And Monsters" - Lana Del Rey

Black Beauty 

For starters her voice is darkly angelic, the harmonizing with the sixties-esque instrumental in the background clearly show her artistic prowess. Lana's lyrics are well developed and thought out as if she were reciting some Lord Byron or Oscar Wilde if they were hormonal teenage females. "Born To Die" essentially highlighted her slight pseudo-depression coupled with a mentality of psycho ex-girlfriend. Fellas if a female ever says her favorite artist is Lana Del Rey then please turn the other way, call up your boys and drink the night away then hit her back up once the club is closed. She's nothing but trouble, but will rock your world in the bedroom and studio. Her new album is in the making and sad to say that some individuals are leaking her tracks. Happily enough, the new songs are beautifully haunting and I have high hopes for her follow-up album "Black Beauty". Lana also did a feature on The Great Gatsby soundtrack with her summer banger, "Young And Beautiful". As Gatsby and Daisy continued to spiral down the stairwell of love, Lana lifted up their eyes to the heavens with promises like "will you still love me when I'm no longer young?" I know I would, shoot with a voice like that to lullaby me to sleep I could rest easy on a midsummer's night. All in all give her a chance and you won't be disappointed. Not only can she sing, but she is a sight for sore eyes. The girl is GAWHJEOUS! However what is most attractive about her is the style and choice of clothes she wears on a consistent basis. It screams 1950's early 60's with a modern womanly twist. Lana somewhat reminds you of Madonna in her early years, exerting a hint of sexuality with a high amount of natural beauty and fashion.  In other words she will go far. I just pray that she will stay off the hard liquor once again (she had a drinking problem, which manifested into lyrics for most of her songs). Regardless of her past, this tall glass of white wine is here to stay and get her consumers love drunk on her music. Just know that too much of Lana's special batch will make you bat shit crazy.  Stay thirsty my friends.

"Angels Forever" - Lana Del Rey

~The Caterpillar 

Cum Control

Cum Control: The Proper Way to Handle Thirst

It took me two Yuengling to get the courage to use that title but you will eventually understand it. So its about eight months into 2013 and for some unknown reason there is still an epidemic of thirst. This disease happened so suddenly and it spared no one. Thirst does not discriminate, there is no true cure for thirst. In my mind thirst is essentially equivalent to the common cold. Everybody gets that shit at one point in time. We are all victims of thirst, however some of us are more susceptible to its harmful effects which leads me to this post. WE'VE GOT TO STOP THIS THIRST EPIDEMIC. 

Proof that thirst does not discriminate -> 7 Celebrities Who Are Great At Posting Thirst Traps On Instagram 

According to my bro's Merriam and Webster thirst can be defined as "an ardent desire" however according to the great minds at Urban Dictionary thirst is "overly eager for something". Thirst is a curse, college students are the primary targets too. We all have seen those people roaming campuses, craving attention from either upperclassmen or popular individuals. Sometimes its humorous and other times it's sadder than the ASPCA commercials. These stray dogs are just looking for love in the wrong places. Thirst can happen so unconsciously that you need to protect yourself from exuding thirst. These simple steps will help you combat thirst.

Yu-Gi-HOEEEE

1. Avoid Thirst Traps

Right now at this moment some person is posting on Instagram a half naked selfie of themselves. This girl is probably laying in a bed with ruffled sheets or in a towel in her bathroom with a foggy mirror. The guy may be standing with his shirt off showing off basic tattoos or biting his lip in a provocative manner. Usually their Instagram names have something along the lines of xxbaby or something similar involving  the "X" consonant placed in random locations. What we need to do is not click the "Comment" button or else we have already fallen into the thirst trap. A thirst trap is a trap usually set by females but light-skin men are also culprits; they will post an ambiguous statement or picture and expect their audience to reciprocate with comments or "heart-eyed" emojis. Don't do it! Other examples of thirst traps are whenever individuals post tweets "my phone dry" or using something along those lines. If your phone is dry then why don't you toss it in a bucket of water; don't attract unnecessary attention or else you will succumb to thirst. Instead why don't you pick up a book and read or eat a bowl of ice-cream. Also for those of you posting your ASK.FM in your bios or tweets then please hop in your car, drive to the nearest bridge, get out the car tie a concrete block to your feet and jump off that bridge. That ask.fm is dead as ever. One of my homies "Trell" uses ask.fm to find himself a wife...haaaaaa. It is important to not fall into thirst traps but more importantly do not set them yourself. Add to the solution, not the problem.

2. Boundaries

Now when I comment on this I am referring to how you interact with other people of the opposite sex who you may find attractive or popular. There is a hierarchy in every social situation: offices, campuses, Blockbusters. At the top of the totem pole sits your King/Queen Shit individuals. These people spent majority of their career developing a persona that is completely unique and epic. Everybody wants to be in the circle or wants the circle inside them if you catch my drift. However trying to "scheme" on the circle is foolish, because they have made it to the top where the rules don't effect them. So if you are in a different circle and you want to matriculate or mate with someone of that circle you may exude thirst. Don't be overly friendly with these people right off the bat for your "niceness" may be mistaken for thirst. It takes time and sometimes you need to realize when and where it is appropriate to "scheme"on a circle member. Don't do it at a party where everybody and their Aunt Shae are present, instead just keep it on the regular. These boundaries are the ones that I am referring to; just take precaution when interacting with public figures of the opposite sex. 

3. Style and Attitude

This one is geared towards the female and this is totally my opinion so just keep that in mind. First off, don't dress like a French harlot on the way to class. Life is not a runway so do not strut your stuff at every moment. Club dresses do not belong outside of the club. That's like wearing condoms underneath your boxers just in case...awks. My advice to the women who are reading this is it's not necessarily about what you choose to wear but how you carry yourself when wearing it. Don't put on skimpy clothes and then jump from guy to guy. Of course about 67.45% of the time you are actually not thirsty butttt people do not always think that way. Especially judgemental people. They will take the smallest detail and turn you into the talk of the town. It's like 21st century "The Crucible" where everybody is accusing everybody of being a witch or thirst demon. All I'm saying is that carry yourself like a grown individual and it won't matter what you are wearing. Unless you have on Apple Bottom jhorts or Jeggings. 

L'Agent Commercial

The key is in the wearer, not the wearing. 

All in all we need to  that we take precautions and try to prevent it from spreading. Do not be "that guy" or "that girl" who everybody knows as King or Queen Thirst. That is a title about as bad as Most Likely to End Up Flipping Burgers. Thirst is spread through personal contact, social media and other various vectors. I have both been a victim and a witness to the thirst pandemic that is spreading through college campuses. Factors like alcohol and  Pseudo-"bae caught me slipping" pictures will add to thirst. Remember to always quench thirst whenever it becomes too much to handle lest you become the Campus Jester. It's like those Snicker commercials, where you act like someone pissy because you're hungry.  How you quench it is clearly up to you but I heard the best strategy is using the Incognito window and making use of the hands that we were born with. Not only will it save you the trouble of looking thirsty, it's relatively effective...but the downside is that it's not as good as the real thing as we all know. So have a slight thirst but not to the extreme where it's creepy. 

~King Of Hearts